Engagement Season: The One We All Love To Hate

I stared at my hand with the new ring and peeled at the brown paper sleeve on my coffee cup, sitting as far away as I could get from the other coffee shop occupants.

Always aware of the weight of apathy towards bubbly romantic bliss, I turned my engagement ring around to the inside of my hand and kept peeling at the sleeve on my coffee. 

Feeling guilty for being happy, because I've been the girl on the other side. I've been the girl with the secret disappointment because it's still not her. And I'm aware of the girls that are disgusted because there was a shiny ring once, and it didn't turn out like they said it would. And the girls that don't know what they want, and the ones that have been let down one too many times.

And the ones that are just mostly indifferent. 

Surely, two rosy-cheeked people won't always be as happy as they are in these 79 engagement pictures. 

Somewhere in the quiet of our souls we have a profound expectation that humanity will let down humanity. 

And it's Christmas, the season of engagement. And you're more likely to write a sappy post about your reindeer socks than marital bliss. I know you. I hear you. I see you. I've been you. 

But look closer. Click through those photos of a proposal. 

Hannah Forsberg Photography

While life is happening: work emails and dish loads and runs to Kroger for more ground beef and late fees and Christmas lights in the rain and parties where they convince you to try the eggnog... someone says to another,

"I will put my life on hold so our plans together can be the new plans." 

In the middle of wrapping and baking and elves on the shelves, with Bing on the radio for the 11th time today, someone bends low and says, 

"I will take on your burdens. I will carry them. I will carry you sometimes. Our relationship is more important to me than my own life."

And then I know. 

We Do Phtography

Because I can't stare at a candle without seeing the light and feeling the warmth of revelation in a chapped soul. He came. He changed his plans. He lowered his knees to the earth and received burdens. He gave up freedom. He gave up certainty. Because it was worth it. Because I was worth it. You are worth it. 

And the little brown rolls of peeled coffee sleeve paper tumble off the table when the door of the shop opens and a cold breeze hits my cheek. I turn my ring back around because it whispers a reminder into a weary world, and to me:

hope took a knee and he has a name. Emmanuel. 

The Last Plate in the Cabinet + Some Good News

Last night I reached into the cabinet to grab a plate to catch the hot fudgy brownie being lifted from the pan while a group of precious, adorable, chatty ladies sat in my living room.

Zach and I decided on this cozy townhouse one year ago because we were about to get married. We chose Augusta because we sensed the Lord calling us here. It's about 2 hours from both families and we thought there was a great job opportunity for Zach here, but needed to make a house decision before there was any final news on the job. 

Well. He didn't get the job. 

So here I am, 1 month married with a small business and a husband fresh out of grad school with...a less than exciting year ahead of him, career-wise. 

I griped, I cried, I scratched my head. If teaching wasn't in the cards this year, I would have to haul some serious business freight. PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME PUT ON BIG GIRL PANTIES, I said to the Lord.

The one-sentence version of this year: God provided every growth opportunity Laurel Ave needed through precious clients and fantastic community here in Augusta, and Zach faithfully sold tea, sorted towels, and scrubbed toilets to help get us through. 

The Details.

As we started to see God providing financially, I found other things to be afraid over and complain about. As usual.

"I don't know why, but I just can't seem to make friends," I told my mom our second month here. 

It was a very vulnerable year for us, no "steady" job and no connections to begin with. I found myself feeling very unsure of WHY a lot of days. God taught us to ask "what" instead of "why", and that helped us keep on putting one foot in front of the other, and like a kid that gets dropped off at childcare, I slowly started to warm up to the things available to us here, and then I started to actually LIKE it. 

Then we found Stevens Creek Church. Then we found Tuesdays Together. Then we found small groups. Then we found Tyler and Leah's weekly dinners. 

 

Then teacher application season came back around. 

I put on a brave face around Zach, but surely he knows those mornings in my office (the spare bedroom) I was griping and pleading and praying and scratching my head and googling teaching openings. Where are the jobs? Where do I even want to live? Where can my business grow? Where can Zach have a fulfilling job with a good salary??

Yesterday was June 7th.

Still no news on a job. 

Lease ends in 23 days. 

I have asked the Lord plenty of times what this year in Augusta was about. I've sat quietly (and not so quietly) waiting for answers about when Zach will have work. 

I'm at Target getting brownie mix and my phone rings: it's Zach.

Later that night I told my small group: HE GOT THE JOB!!! But...it's in Milledgeville. So much encouragement and a few tears for leaving friends behind.  

After the small group left, I reached into the cabinet to get one more plate for a late night snack for myself. I jumped when I saw which plate I was reaching for because it's a plate I haven't seen since we moved in. It's our one-of-a-kind fancy plate, and when I put it in the cabinet last June I thought to myself,

"I am never going to get through this giant stack of plates all the way down to this one. We would have to have a ton of people over, or at least 15 dirty plates (which would be a lot in a household of 2). Neither of those things are going to happen. Why do we even HAVE so many plates?!"

 

I did that thing - that only girls do - where you stand in your kitchen and cry over the sentiment of a plate. 

We have been abundantly, ridiculously blessed and cared for here in this weird town where we had no work and no friends at first. 

The Lord carried us to groups, communities, clients, part time jobs, friends, late night laughs, long walks and a whole city full of affectionate memories. 

As we make the move BACK to middle Georgia where we both spent 5+ years in school, it feels a little like we had a Boomerang year where the Lord said, "let me teach you a few things and then I'll lead you back". 

Worth it? I mean, I ate off my last plate...

XOXO, 

E

FAQ:

What will he be teaching? 9th Grade Civics and 10th Grade History

What will happen to Laurel Ave? Nothing. Augusta/Athens/Atlanta...etc... clients will have my full heart and attention and presence. Augusta vendors have my heart and I will still travel to be friends with the amazing community there. And Central Georgia will get a little extra LA presence (Macon's Tuesday's Together, I'm comin' for ya). 

How are you going to live in a town without a Target and a Costco and a Panera? Valid. But Zach refers to Milledgeville as "the town where we fell in love" so I guess we'll get by. 

7-11-15 / Balkcom Wedding

His Wedding Vows:

Elena, most beautiful among women, you have captivated my heart.

Today, I ask you to be my wife, as your best friend, editor, and partner. I love you and know this love is from the Lord.  

I want to be your husband so I can serve you and we can serve Christ together.

Through every mountaintop and valley, I promise to be faithful to you and to love you fully.

I promise to follow the Lord and His Spirit as I lead and protect you, just as Christ does his church.

I promise to never leave you and to “scoot” as much as possible.

I promise to dance and sing with you when I am cranky and when I'm full of joy.

I promise that basketball will always be just a silly game and that you will come first.

God’s word gives the perfect example of love in Christ’s life and death for the church.

I promise to always, with my Father’s help and the Spirit’s leading, to show you this same kind of love.

Her Wedding Vows:

I, Elena, take you Zach, to be my wedded husband, loving what I know of you, trusting what I do not yet know.

I will respect your integrity and have faith in your abiding love for me.

I offer myself wholeheartedly to you.

I stand before you today made complete in Christ the head over all, yet made even more complete in unity with you.

I do promise and covenant, before God and these witnesses, to be your loving and faithful wife,

in plenty and in want, in joy and in sorrow,

in sickness and in health,

you are my home.

At times, I will fail you but this, I promise: I have chosen you, today I choose you, and for the rest of our lives I will choose you until we are parted from this earth and present with the Lord.

Photography- Kaitie Bryant Photography
Rentals- Southern Vintage
Florals- Roy Lamb Floral Event Design
DJ- Jesse Pilkenton of Judah Press
Officiant- Nathan Emmelhainz
Coordination- Jenn Deese
Ceremony Venue- Strong Tower Fellowship
Reception Venue- Library Ballroom
Catering- Celebrations by Alexa
Petit Fours- Monica Jones
Grooms Cake- Mrs. Scarlett’s Cakes
Dress- Fabulous Frocks of Atlanta
Dress Alterations- Fashions by Angie
Suits- Jos. A Bank
Custom Handmade Bowties- Madison Ties
Lettering- Eliza Jane Lettering
Bride’s hair- Signature Salon