When Throwing a Wedding Just Feels Selfish

Oh I know that feeling.

You kind of start to wonder why you're even putting yourself through all this crazy wedding planning, because, in the words of a groom friend of mine, it can be a bit of an ordeal and just feels really selfish.

You get in your feels, start having regrets...

So what do you do then? 

1. Find a way to give back

If you're starting to feel a little jumpy about having a wedding because there are innumerable people on this planet who don't have their basic needs met,


I feel you.

I don't have all the answers for this and TBH I feel this in a very real way almost everyday.

I do know that celebration is a good and noble thing, so how about try to use your platform as a bride or groom to rally your guests around something you care about. 

Maybe you've heard the stories about brides and grooms who registered for a bunch or winter coats for the needy.

Or the wedding receptions that welcomed the homeless for a hot meal. 

Personally, I'd love to see a couple register/ask for a "Compassion Fund" which could be

       a) A fund specifically to be able to sponsor a child via Compassion International or

       b) A cash stash for the newlyweds to be able to bless the needy during the first few months of marriage when money might be tight. 

Whatever you decide to do, this is a big chance to direct the attention and funds of a crowd. Seize the moment if you can! 

2. Downsize

If you're starting to feel the selfish-ness jitters because your wedding is turning into a much bigger deal than you'd imagined - downsize.

If it's getting out of hand with the number of guests, amount of decor, food or if someone in your family is going too crazy on the craft projects, gently re-route. A few ways to do that:

       a) Cut down the guest list if you're still pre-invite. Nothing will every beat the sweetness and beauty of an intimate wedding.

       b) Shorten up the party. You may not need a 10 hour marathon party, and less party means less food and alcohol to fund for the people there. 

       c) Scratch off some DIYs. Ask yourself: will I remember this as a needed party of my day in 15 years? No? Deeeeeelete. :) 


Mary Hannah Harte Photo

Mary Hannah Harte Photo

3. Focus on the purpose

So maybe you're at the week of your wedding, or even post-wedding like me and you're thinking, gee those first two sure woulda been nice like 6 or 8 months ago, Elena. 

I gotcha. 

So go back to your why.
Why are you having a wedding? 

Sharing your special day with family? 

Sharing your story? Your faith? Encouraging your vendors?!

Feeding a real good meal to people who have poured hours good chats, box-packing and late night laughs into your life? 

If your wedding has a purpose, you'll be able to get past at least most of those icky feelings. 

And give yourself some grace. We all have wedding prep melt-downs.

It's pretty normal. 




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